49 Days

H's grandfather passed away in the summer while we were in the UK. He was 95 years old and had been in hospital for several months, but it was nonetheless sad news to receive and it was unfortunate that we couldn't attend the funeral. Last weekend though, we went to the 49 day ceremony.

In Japan, funerals are usually held in the Buddhist style; the deceased is cremated and the ashes are kept in the home until 49 days have passed. At the end of that period a ceremony for the family is held and the ashes are placed in the family grave.

We all turned out our best formal wear, and K got his first shirt and tie...


I thought I was very organised, sending my black dress and jacket to the dry cleaners in plenty of time. Then I realised that if I wore that, I wouldn't be able to feed T... So I turned out my old black trouser suit. One of the legs needed hemming and I had to move the button a bit (ahem) but it didn't look bad for something I bought (ahem) 13 years ago.

The ceremony was held at H's grandparents' house and consisted of a Buddhist priest coming to the house and chanting in front of the altar which had been set up to hold the ashes, a photo of H's grandfather, various edible offerings and incense. We were each given a prayer book to join in, but I can never read it quick enough to keep up. After a while T started to get a bit noisy so we snuck off to another room, joining another noisy great-grandchild and her mum.

After that we all went to the graveyard, placed the urns of ashes in the grave and offered more incense. Then it was time for another little chanting session in the temple before we all, priest included, headed off for a meal together. We all ate a typical traditional Japanese meal except for K, who had the 'kid's lunch' option. I'm not sure what age of 'kid' these meals are designed for, but I suspect that a lot of adults would have had difficulty finishing this lot...

As the evening progressed everyone relaxed and enjoyed the chance for the extended family to get together. There are similar memorial services held at regular intervals in the years following a death in the family and I always think that it's a wonderful idea. The immediate sadness of a funeral has passed and instead the family can enjoy each other's company and reminisce about the person who passed away.

My favourite 'only in Japan' moment? K pouring beer for the priest...

As with all formal ceremonies in Japan, there was gift-exchanging involved. We gave an envelope of money covering the costs of our meals and a contribution to the temple fees, as well as a bit extra to round it up and be a true 'gift'. However we came home with a goodie bag containing a box of rice crackers, a box of Beatrix Potter themed sticks of sugar (perfect for offering to guests with their coffee) and a large digital clock. The clock, now sitting on our living room window ledge, is complete with date, temperature and humidity level so I can now offer you accurate weather information at any time day or night. Right now? 3:36pm, 25 degrees and 65% humidity. In other words, just about right for me...